“May contain peanuts.”

May contain peanuts. Three of the most heartbreaking words an individual like me may ever hear. Three words that solidify the barrier between me and “normal”; that remind me that I have limitations that others in my life do not. With every granola bar I eat, with every cereal box I consume, and with every halloween candy I receive, I take this extra step that others must not. Aimlessly searching the packaging for the ingredients, I am all too familiar with the backside of the wrappers. Having done this more times than I can count, my eyes wander to the end of the ingredients list, until they land upon the bolded letters residing at the bottom, reserved for fellow allergy victims like myself. “May contain peanuts.” I put the snack down in dismay. A miniscule issue to many, but not for me, a peanut allergy has taught me control, caution, and individuality at a young age. A “Choc Nut” candy bar, the ingredients which include: sugar, milk powder, cocoa powder, vanilla, and of course, peanuts. This candy bar changed my life, when at the ripe age of 1.5 years old, my mother fed me a piece of this Philippine delicacy. Consuming the bar until it consumed me, my skin began to break into hives, red and bumpy everywhere you could imagine. Unable to breathe as my throat closed up, my toddler self entered anaphylaxis for the first time. Rushing to the hospital, my parents frantically and helplessly watched as their second born daughter couldn’t seem to breathe. According to the doctor, I was 10 minutes shy of death. That day beyond my conscious memories, my kryptonite was discovered and my life would never be the same. Today, as a 19 year old, I continue to battle this disparity. I can’t leave the house without my EpiPen. I understand that an allergy as severe as mine may never dissipate, and that this lifestyle is all I will ever know. Allergies have shifted the lens I view the world through and I’m empathetic to those who can relate. Everyday we are reminded that we’re different, taunted by our non-allergy counterparts. “What would happen if I threw this peanut at you?” Despite it made into a joke on several occasions, I can never let my guard down. I carry this life threatening condition with me everyday, but it has also taught me self control. Growing up I could never just grab something I wanted and eat it, I was taught to ask beforehand and that it was my responsibility to be wary, for not everyone around me will know of my allergy. I matured quicker in adjusting my life to accommodate a world in which I am in the minority. Most importantly though, I learned to acknowledge and appreciate my individuality. I wouldn’t be who I am without this aspect of my life, and have grown to not resent what makes me different, instead see it as what makes me unique.

-Audrey L.